The Rebellion and Growth of Children: Insights from Nezha and Ao Bing

In the realm of Chinese mythology, Nezha and Ao Bing have long been captivating figures, each with their own unique stories and personalities. The recent Spring Festival hit, Nezha: The Devil Child Comes to the Sea, has once again brought these two characters into the spotlight, sparking a thought-provoking discussion among audiences of all ages. This time, the focus is not just on their heroic deeds but on the underlying themes of rebellion and growth, which resonate deeply with our own experiences as children and parents.

The Many Facets of Rebellion Rebellion is a complex concept that encompasses more than just acting out or going against the norm. In psychology, there are two terms closely related to rebellion: "reactance" and "rebellion" itself. Reactance refers to the motivational state that arises when an individual feels their freedom of action is threatened or taken away. It's that familiar scenario of "the more you push, the slower they go, and one more push and they stop altogether." For instance, when a child is constantly nagged by parents to do their homework, they may feel restricted and develop a sense of reactance, thinking, "I'm not doing this because I want to, but because my parents are forcing me." This can lead to a rebellious attitude of "No way, just to spite you."

On the other hand, rebellion is often associated with adolescence. It involves the resistance of teenagers against school discipline and adult authority, manifesting in various forms such as anger, impulsivity, risk-taking behavior, and rule-breaking. Nezha's unruly behavior in the movie, like his slovenly posture, casual attitude, defiance of adults, and desire to punch passersby who criticized him, is a classic example of rebellion, despite his young age of only three in the story.

However, when these normal signs of rebellion occur at the wrong age or become overly intense, they can transform into a pathological condition known as Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Children with ODD exhibit severe and destructive confrontational behavior, such as provoking adults, maliciously or repeatedly disobeying adult requests, being easily irritated, and deliberately trying to annoy others. Just imagine removing Nezha's cute and obedient side in the movie and magnifying his mischievousness, and you'll have a clear picture of ODD.

ODD has both genetic and environmental factors. The DRD4 gene, which affects dopamine receptors, has been linked to children developing ODD, mainly influencing its manifestation in preschoolers. Environmental factors, including maternal depression, parental substance abuse, abnormal family structures, and high-crime rate families, can also play a role, typically affecting the disorder's appearance during childhood or adolescence. This mirrors Nezha's story, where he was extremely mischievous as a child but gradually learned to control himself better as he grew older, influenced by his surroundings.

The Silver Lining of Rebellion Contrary to what some parents may think, a certain degree of rebellion in children can actually be a positive thing. Mild to moderate levels of confrontation are common among children and teenagers. In fact, some psychologists believe that appropriate rebellion is not only beneficial but necessary.

Adolescent rebellion has both physiological and psychological roots. Psychologist Erik Erikson proposed that adolescence is a stage of achieving self-identity and overcoming role confusion, and this process inevitably involves an element of rebellion. Self-identity consists of two components: "exploration" and "commitment." Exploration represents the search for "who I am," while commitment reflects the determination to uphold one's self-concept. This arduous journey often leads to questioning existing values and goals, which serves as the breeding ground for rebellion.

For example, a child may question the common belief that "only by studying hard and getting good grades can one succeed" when they see someone they admire who didn't attend college but is still happy. Or they might start to doubt the wisdom of always obeying their parents when they feel that the reasoning behind certain rules doesn't make sense. Through these experiences of clashing with the world around them, teenagers gradually discover their own preferred ways of living and values, ultimately achieving self-identity.

In contrast, children who are "too obedient" may have prematurely decided on their life paths without going through the process of exploration. This phenomenon is known as "identity foreclosure," and Ao Bing, before meeting Nezha, is a prime example. As the reincarnation of the Spiritual Pearl, Ao Bing carried the hopes of the entire dragon race and was burdened with the mission of saving them. However, this goal was imposed on him rather than being his own choice, causing him to suppress his true self and not think deeply about his purpose. It was only after meeting Nezha and experiencing intense ideological and behavioral upheaval that Ao Bing finally shed his mask, accepted his identity as a member of the demon race, and found his true calling - to change the world with his friends. Thus, Nezha not only became Ao Bing's good friend but also a guiding light on his path of self-discovery.

Parenting in the Face of Rebellion When it comes to dealing with rebellious children in real life, parents often face a challenging task. Many instances of teenage rebellion,看似 independent on the surface, are actually influenced by parental expectations, authority figures, and societal norms. For example, Nezha initially strongly resisted his identity as a "demon" and constantly rebelled in an attempt to establish his own independent identity. However, this kind of rebellion for the sake of rebellion doesn't lead to true maturity or help children find their authentic selves. Nezha's ultimate growth came when he realized, "So what if I'm a demon?"

The key for parents is to understand their children. Everyone is a complex mix of contradictions, craving both order and the freedom to break it. Just as adults can both follow the rules in certain situations and break them in others, children's obedience and rebellion are part of the same duality. When parents find it difficult to understand their children's behavior, they should listen with an open mind, showing that they respect and acknowledge their children's thoughts and feelings. This can prevent minor rebellions from escalating into major issues.

After understanding, the next step is to guide the rebellion in a positive direction. Parents can set clear and reasonable rules, define a safe boundary, and lead by example. By allowing children to make their own choices and take responsibility for the consequences within this framework, rebellion can be transformed into a driving force for growth. Similar to this approach, restorative practices in schools, which create an environment of high support, encourage expression, and promote joint discussions, have been shown to alleviate adolescent rebellion. After all, it's better to channel the energy of rebellion rather than trying to suppress it.

Finally, love is the most fundamental and enduring factor in a child's growth. In the movie, Nezha's most profound transformation occurred at the end of the second installment. When faced with the choice of sacrificing his life to save his parents, Li Jing and Lady Yin firmly stopped him, cursing the villains. This outpouring of sincere and selfless love became the antidote to Nezha's rebellious spirit.

Love may seem like an old-fashioned answer, but it holds the key to helping children grow into kind and responsible individuals. With love as the foundation, Nezha, once a wild and carefree child brandishing a red silk sash and stepping on wind-fire wheels, evolved into a brave and straightforward young man who was determined to protect his friends and hometown. In the end, being a good person surrounded by loved ones is perhaps the most fulfilling way to live.

In conclusion, the stories of Nezha and Ao Bing offer valuable insights into the nature of rebellion and growth in children. By understanding the different aspects of rebellion, parents can better navigate the challenges of raising their children and guide them towards a path of healthy development. May we all be surrounded by love and become "very, very good people."